Teabagging gets political

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When Facebook Memes Attack!

"The "Rules" : Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you. Copy and paste this and then go to the notes section of your profile."

1. My body's sleep schedule seems to run on a 25-hour rhythm. If I have no pressing reason to get up for an extended period of time, I'll be waking up at 9am, then 1pm, then 4pm, then eventually later, until it cycles all the way back.

2. I'm in the Army reserves. It's like no other job on this planet.

3. English is my second language.

4. I'm the only person I know that shaves with a straight razor. They've got a bitch of learning curve, but once you're through it, the result is phenomenal.

5. Apparently, I was "Most Promiscuous Brother" of AEPi's Ottawa chapter, 2007/2008. There was a vote. For once, I abstained.

6. Karaoke is my guilty pleasure.

7. I don't leave answering machine messages. There's no reason why, I just don't. I've probably left 5 in the last year.

8. I've had my M2 license since I was 16. If I don't do my final road test soon, it's going to expire.

9. I procrastinate. It's ridicu... fuck it.

10. I'm teaching myself - slowly - guitar.

11. Songs that recurringly get stuck in my head:
"Proud Mary," Ike and Tina Turner
"City Blues," Brian Wilson and Eric Clapton
"You Can't Hurry Love," either the Phil Collins cover or The Supremes' original.

12. Dvorjak and Dr Dre are next to each other in my iTunes. My taste is eclectic.

13. I've been to Israel 15 times, and I'm STILL eligible for Birthright.

14. I put all my private thoughts in a blog, but I don't share it with people I know in real life. Tried that once, it didn't go well; for their own good, nobody should ever know what I'm actually thinking.

15. When I have the time, I take hot showers that last easily 45 minutes, sometimes 60. I'm not even masturbating in there, just chillin'.

16. Questionable Content. Favourite web comic.

17. If I've got the time, the money, and the means, I have never turned down a road trip.

18. I've been to the fundamentalist Christian "Creation Museum" in Kentucky. Great shit.

19. I've been arrested.
Once.
While on a public bench.
For trespassing.

20. I love my bathrobe. It's big and purple, and I'm wearing it right now. I take it anywhere I'm staying for more than a night. I've driven across Tennessee in it, and I was the one driving.

21. I've elevated public nudity to high art, and I don't have to be drunk to streak.

22. My addiction, aside from nicotine, alcohol, and carnal sin, is raw oyster. Sit me down in front of them, and I'll eat oysters until you run out of shellfish, or I run out of money.

23. My cell phone and laptop don't get turned off.

24. I'm swearing off Hamilton Karaoke bars for at least two weeks. Those of you who were there know my reasons.

25. I am the least organized person you will ever meet. At my last place, all my floorspace went missing.

26. I'm terrible at math.

27. I'm invisible.

Bondage down under! (Crikey!)

Because I often find myself with vast tracts of time and no productive way to spend it, I sometimes check the back-links to my blog. The back-links (or track-backs, or whatever they're actually called) are the recorded entry point that linked someone to a page on Phaedron Rising.

Usually, it's something fairly innocuous, like residual interest from the bookstore bible-shuffle at Pharyngula or Tall Penguin, or some passing interest in Mr Smith Goes to Washington.

Until last week, my favourite referral was the search for "cooties sex" on Google Estonia. No more.

It seems that there's something strange afoot down in the land of dingoes and stingrays; seems some Aussie was in need of either some DIY bondage advice or a good lawyer, because he turned to the wisdom of Google's algorithm for an answer to his troubles.

A fun experiment to try at home: go to Google or Google Australia and enter as your query "having problems confining a housemate to his room" either with or without the quotation marks.

Look who's result #1! I should be flattered, but I don't deserve that accolade. A pair of handcuffs and a makeshift blindfold are the closest my repertoire ever comes to BDSM, and I shy away from using them without a safe word. Nonetheless, happy strapping to my new Australian "mate."

And remember. If the cuffs are soft and fuzzy, you're missing the point.

Not even three-fifths!

"Mr Rising, you're actually ineligible to cast a vote for Barack Obama."
...
"No, it's not a curtailment of your rights, Mr. Rising."
...
"Yes, but that doesn't extend to Canadians."
...
"Mr Rising, you don't get three-fifths of a vote."
...
"Mr. Rising, it's not because you're black."
...
"Because you're not black"
...
"I seriously doubt that you're black 'from the waist down,' Mr Rising."
...
"Please put your pants back on, Mr Rising. We're all very impressed."


My point is, the Man's keeping me down. You'd better cast votes for the two of us. And did you know that it's illegal to take off your pants at a voter registration kiosk?

...righteous vengeance and furious anger!

As I'm sure the imaginary followers of my blog all know, I'm leaving for CFI On Campus 2008 Student Leadership Conference in Amherst, NY tomorrow. It's a conference for freethinking students on reducing the influence of religious zealots in academia and government.

I figured that after the conference - since I'm already States-side - I'd make the trip down to DC, where Sophie has just started a Congress internship with the House Representative from her home district. Also, I've never seen Washington, and I love going to new places.

I emailed the conference organizer, Debbie G, asking whether there were any attendees coming from around the DC area that I might be able to arrange to carpool with to Washington after the weekend. She put me in touch with Frank B, who is driving through Philadelphia - a mere couple hours' bus ride from the capitol.

The exchange with Frank over facebook started simply enough. Debbie had contacted him to ask whether he had room for a stowaway en route to Philly, and he messaged me:

Frank: "do you smoke?

would you be with us both ways or what?

can you do some of the driving?"

"I do smoke," I replied candidly, "but would have no problem restricting the whole 'cancer research' thing to when we're on pit stops."

I told Frank that I'd be happy to help with the driving, though I'd only be with him for the return trip. I let him know that I have plenty of highway experience, especially in the US, and that as long as his car was automatic-transmission, I could take shifts behind the wheel.

I figured that the rest would be a simple matter of hammering out the final details (the route we're taking, how much I should pitch for gas, how he wants to arrange the driving shifts...) at the conference this weekend. Then I got this curt reply:

"I'm sorry, but I can't spend 8 hours in a car with a smoker. if you were to get back into the car after a pit stop smelling like smoke that would make me angry to the point where I could not drive safely. You'll have to find some other means of transportation to DC. You may still want to coordinate with Barry G, he also smokes and therefor will not be traveling with me."
-Frank B.

As a matter of common courtesy, I never smoke in someone's car unless they explicitly say that it's okay. Even when someone else is in my car, I make sure that they're comfortable with me smoking before I light up. If they're just saying "yes" to be nice, I can usually tell, and I'll refrain from smoking anyway.

But this is fucking rediculous. It's one thing if he's allergic to tobacco, or if I weren't willing to smoke facing downwind, but this is beyond sanctimonious. I get the impression that it's not the smell of smoke ("if you were to get back into the car after a pit stop smelling like smoke") that riles him, but the sheer fact that I smoke at all (I can't spend 8 hours in a car with a smoker).

I'm now realizing that this is a man who would have spent 8 perfectly good hours wasting my precious oxygen. He's essentially saying that the merest hint of tobacco will throw him into an apoplectic fury, rendering him completely unfit to safely operate a vehicle. Whether out of some sub-rational impulse, or sanctimonious douchebaggery, he's essentially saying that if I were in the car, he'd probably wrap it around a tree.

If I take what he said at face value, then this kind of person should not be allowed to drive. What happens if he's driving along with the windows down and the scent of cigarette smoke wafts in from the sidewalk? Will he mow down the next pedestrian in indignant rage? Does this extend to smelly and polluting paper mills and refineries?

Don't get me wrong. Smoking is a stupid, dangerous, filthy habit, and I'm in the process of cutting down my intake before I make the final push of stopping all together this fall. I'm 20 years old, and far too young to waste my life and money smoking.

That doesn't change the fact that Frank B is an idiot.

Cooties (Reprise)

Every now and then I check my sitemeter readings to see where this blog gets its meager traffic referrals. Maybe some benevolent blogging star has decided to link to my page; maybe I'm getting backlink traffic from my postings on other blogs like Pharyngula or tall penguin.

Or maybe - just maybe - someone gets referred through the great and wondrous Google Search, as did one user, who had apparently scoured Google Estonia for the search terms "cooties sex."

What he got was "Cooties," my screed on sexual education's state of affairs in red-state America. This was probably just some Estonian schoolboy who'd just been terrified by a fourth-grader that his close contact with a girl in that last game of tag may prove fatal.

I'll help this kid out: "Cooties," in contemporary English usage, can denote a broad range of afflictions that can be transferred through contact with the opposite sex, including - but in no way limited to - fun things like:

Unwanted pregnancy,
Herpes, and
Alimony.

Always be safe, little Olev, and don't let those fifth-grade girls pressure you into anything you're not confortable with.

Untitled (Until further notice)

It's been a while since I've taken a hit of the sweet catharsis that can only come from airing my most intimate thoughts into the ether of the blogosphere. I think I'll shelve the decorum for the best summation I can make of the few weeks since my last entry:

Jesus fucking christ.

I drove to Alabama with Nez, Bryan, and J-Dogg, skipping two nights of sleep on a 45-hour, 85 mile-per-hour nonstop meander through the United States.

I went to Ken Ham's Creation Museum in Kentucky.

My ballin' blue minivan (don't fucking say it) broke down in Mountain Brook, AL, two miles from our destination.

I fixed it and got back to Ottawa a week ago.

Then I drove to Toronto a few days later. Because I felt like it.

I met up with Tall Penguin for an in-person mea culpa (here) over the bookstore bible incident (here, here, and here).

I drove back to Ottawa, making it into the city just in time to start my new job at 7am. A ten-hour shift on zero sleep is a feat made possible only through the wonders of Adderall. The perscription is mine; deal with it.

But despite the sporadic foray into my favourite rubber-stamped prescription psychostimulant, the fact remains that I haven't actually gone to sleep since Wednesday evening. Before that, Monday night was the last time my head hit a pillow.

Understandably, I'm beyond the stage of delerium. I'll be making posts on my adventures in more detail when I'm somewhere close to lucid. Until then, here's a rough sketch of the weeks to come:

Heading down to Amherst, NY for the Center for Inquiry's CFI On Campus 2008 Student Leadership Conference, an apparent coming-together of young collegiate agnostics, atheists, and freethinkers from Canada and the USA.

After that, I'll likely be heading down to Washington, DC. Sophie's there on an internship with the U.S. Congress, and I've rallied a loose fellowship of fraternity brothers for a pilgrimage to the chapter at George Washington University.

That's all for now. I need a shower badly; I smell like sex and Marlboros, dish soap, cheesecake, and the unmistakable aroma of chopped liver. Don't ask.

Sweet Home Alabama: T minus 13 hours and counting...

Short post:

Ever skip a night's sleep, just to find yourself too wired to get any rest the next evening? Counterintuitive as it seems, the last time I went to sleep was about 48 hours ago, and I don't feel tired.

I wish I did. Tomorrow's going to be a hell of a day.

I'm leaving Ottawa in a few short hours with Bryan and Kyle, en route to Nez's kidnapping in Ohio, and onward to see Sophie in Alabama. Between Ottawa and Toronto, I'll also be picking up a few drifters. Two housemates I found on craigslist's rideshare, one Carleton grad from PickupPal, and my friend Rachel from a small town in the middle of nowhere (because nothing beats five straight hours of unmitigated sexual tension.)

And I've barely begun to pack.

Nonetheless, it's been a hectic 48 hours; spent, for the most part, convincing and re-convincing my friends to commit to the odyssey, and persuading their parents to support their self-actualization with cold, hard gas money.

But through bouts of vacillation, flared tempers, doubt and uncertainty, this show is finally getting on the road. In 36 hours' time. I'll be in Birmingham.

So I got fucking arrested last night...

I'd type up the full story, but I'm feeling far too lazy to do all that writing this afternoon. I'll just copy and paste from the MSN conversation where I tell a friend:

Rachel	-	what did you do to [PR]?
PR	-	lol
PR	-	long story
Rachel	-	i hear there are handcuffs involved
PR	-	there were
PR	-	hold on, I'll grab a beer first
Rachel	-	lol
Rachel	-	drinking alone...oh no
PR	-	hey, I've earned this one
Rachel	-	okay dish
Rachel	-	I cant wait any longer lol
PR	-	lol I've heard that one before
PR	-	I'm doing this at my pace
Rachel	-	thats what she said
PR	-	lol
Rachel	-	fine but i get all the details
PR	-	okay, so one of the AEPi alums had his birthday today at the Heart and Crown on Preston
PR	-	I'm too broke to go drinking, but I figured I'd come over and give him my regards
Rachel	-	and I take it this is where it starts to get interesting
PR	-	you have no idea
Rachel	-	:)
Rachel	-	go on
PR	-	so since I'm not drinking, I saddle up the loser cruiser and head to the Heart and Crown
Rachel	-	...
PR	-	if I were to be drinking, I wouldn't take the car
PR	-	but that's not relevant, so I'll keep going
Rachel	-	lol and you mean boat
O	-	boat
Rachel	-	and do go on
PR	-	so I find a parking space a few blocks away, and walk over
PR	-	the place is packed
PR	-	I find my friends, and there aren't even enough chairs for everyone at the table
PR	-	we're outside, and half of us are just off the property across the little metal rail
PR	-	so eventually I go over the rail to greet another friend who just got in from toronto
PR	-	about a minute later, a bouncer comes up to me and says "Are you planning to come back inside?"
PR	-	and I say "Yeah"
PR	-	"Don't bother. You're kicked out."
Rachel	-	wtf
PR	-	I know
PR	-	my friends were pretty stunned that I just got kicked out of the heart and crown for hopping onto the sidewalk over the rail, and they suggest I ask nicely to come back in
PR	-	so I go to the bouncer, and I say "Look, I didn't realize what a dick move that was back there. Is there any way you can let me back in?"
PR	-	"no."
Rachel	-	ouch
PR	-	yeah, but that's his right
Rachel	-	Im gunna grab a banana...brb...keep talking though
PR	-	np
Rachel	-	lol and Im going to eat it...nothing dirty so dont even say it
PR	-	so I go back to where my friends are, and just lean against the rail from the sidewalk side
PR	-	about 5 minutes later, the bouncer tells me to go home
PR	-	I say "Are you telling me that I can't be on public property?"
PR	-	he says "get off this sidewalk"
Rachel	-	wow he really had it out for you
PR	-	so I ask if he can legally ask me to get off of a public bench and sidewalk if I'm not causing a disturbance?
PR	-	and I was right
PR	-	so he says to my friends, "alright, I can't kick this guy off the bench, but if any part of his body crosses over that rail, you're all kicked out"
PR	-	"fine."
PR	-	and that was the last time any part of me was within their property
PR	-	so I stay on the bench and tlak with my friends
PR	-	and when the waitress comes by, I ask to speak to the manager
PR	-	she says that they're really busy, and that it oculd be a while
PR	-	*couldc
PR	-	*could
PR	-	I tell her "don't worry, I'm not in any rush"
PR	-	so after about 10 minutes or so, the manager comes up to me with the bouncer
PR	-	I told her I was sorry about hopping the rail onto the sidewalk, and would if be possible to rejoin my friends on the other side?
PR	-	she says no. their liquor license requires that they kick out someone who does that
PR	-	which isn't unreasonable for her
Rachel	-	yah but you were sober
PR	-	not a fucking sip
PR	-	but she was right on that point
PR	-	her hands were tied, and I didn't have a problem with that
PR	-	I wasn't going to argue
PR	-	then she says, "if you're going to cause a problem, we can call the police"
PR	-	I say "I'm not going to cause anything. If I can't come back in, then what I will do is stay on this public bench. I hope you don't call the police, but I'm not doing anything wrong. If you want to, that's your perrogative."
Rachel	-	lol
PR	-	so they leave, and I go back to talking to my friends
PR	-	who are pretty amazed at what just happened
PR	-	then Jeremy says "they're coming back with police"
Rachel	-	LOL are you fuckig serious
PR	-	I'm facing away from the cops, and I don't turn around.
PR	-	I just ask how far away they are
PR	-	"about 20 seconds"
Rachel	-	omfg
PR	-	so I keep talking to jeremy for about 20 seconds
PR	-	from a public bench, on a public sidewalk
Rachel	-	sober too
PR	-	keep in mind, at no point in this evening have I had a drink, lost my temper, or even raised my voice
PR	-	well, I had 5 drinks as soon as I got to sunnyside
PR	-	but again, not relevant
Rachel	-	lol
PR	-	so I keep talking to jeremy until I feel the cop grab me my the arm from behind
PR	-	he tells me to leave
PR	-	I ask on what grounds
PR	-	he says "tresspassing"
Rachel	-	wtf
Rachel	-	that is SUCH bullshit
PR	-	I tell him that I'm on a public bench
Rachel	-	leave it to the cops to take the side of the buisness
PR	-	and that I have no plans to trespass on their property
PR	-	and he says - and I'm not making this up - "you're in my city"
Rachel	-	bastard
PR	-	"you've got two choices: you can go home, or you can go to jail"
Rachel	-	wtf
Rachel	-	you CANNOT be arrested for that shit
PR	-	I ask him if he's going to arrest me for sitting on a public bench
Rachel	-	what an arrogant pig
PR	-	so he says again, "you can go home, or you can go to jail"
PR	-	I say "I'd like that in writing"
Rachel	-	lol
Rachel	-	o0o
Rachel	-	you badass
PR	-	so he says "hands on the railing. you're under arrest."
PR	-	"here's your writing"
Rachel	-	OMG
Rachel	-	no wayy
PR	-	way.
PR	-	so he puts the handcuffs on, and my friends are just in shock
Rachel	-	thats kind of hot though...Id like to be arrested lol
PR	-	lol
PR	-	my friend called me after to ask why I was grinning while getting cuffed
PR	-	I didn't realise I was grinning
Rachel	-	lool
Rachel	-	omg I WISH i could have seen that
PR	-	so he calls a squad car, (code 93 or something), and leads me to it
Rachel	-	lol tell me more
PR	-	sorry, back
Rachel	-	but really that is pretty hot...you got arrested
PR	-	so once we're out of earshot, he says "I'm going to tell you one more time. You can go home, or you can go to jail."
PR	-	sorry, my bad
PR	-	"You can go home, or you can go to jail and do this by the book"
PR	-	I tell him "I haven't done anything wrong tonight, officer. I think I'd like to do this by the book."
PR	-	so he puts me in the squad car and turns me over to the officer driving it
Rachel	-	LOL
Rachel	-	man I really wish i could have seen this go down
PR	-	lol
PR	-	I'm so pissed off at my friends
PR	-	when he said "hands on the railing"
PR	-	I gestured at them to get a fucking camera out
PR	-	and they just stood there like idiots
Rachel	-	LOL
Rachel	-	fuck
Rachel	-	that sucks
PR	-	I wanted a picture of that
Rachel	-	a picture would have been epic
PR	-	a) because it would have come in handy in court
O	-	and b) because it looks badass
Rachel	-	omg yes
Rachel	-	that would be a hot picture
Rachel	-	i dont know what it is but anything related to jailtime= hot
PR	-	sorry to disappoint you, rachel, but I never went to jail
Rachel	-	lol you coudnt handle it
PR	-	the second cop wasn't as big a dick. He drove me around the corner and said that I wasn't being held
PR	-	I told him I'd like to get everything on the record anyway
Rachel	-	I once found out a guy i found attractive did about 3 years in jail..and it turned me on
Rachel	-	lol
Rachel	-	i take it he just toko you home then?
Rachel	-	*took
PR	-	no
PR	-	after I told him. I said I wanted to be given the breathalyzer test
Rachel	-	good.
PR	-	I hadn't had anyhting to drink
PR	-	but that car didn't have a test machine
PR	-	I asked if any nearby squad cars did
PR	-	he said "it doesn't matter, you're not driving home, are you?"
PR	-	and I said that yes, I was.
PR	-	so he asks what kind of car I own, and where it's parked
PR	-	when we get to it, he lets me out of the squad car, and smells my breath
PR	-	which pissed me off, because I wanted an actual readout for the record
Rachel	-	yah
Rachel	-	that is SUCH bullshit!
PR	-	then he unlocks the handcuffs and hands me a charge citation for trespassing
Rachel	-	but a bunch of guys from your frat saw it happen...your a legend lol
Rachel	-	whatttt
PR	-	yeah
PR	-	I ask him how I go about disputing that in court
PR	-	he says that the info's all on the citation, and that if I challenged it, he would testify against me.
Rachel	-	jackass
PR	-	once I got into my car, he drove off
Rachel	-	he wasnt even there
PR	-	I checked the 20 messages I'd gotten in the 10 minutes since I got arrested, then came back here
Rachel	-	omfg that is bullshit
Rachel	-	definately fight that
PR	-	I will.
Rachel	-	lol but [PR]...you got arrested
Rachel	-	how hot
Rachel	-	is that
PR	-	hey, when I was asked to leave the bar, I left. When they told me not to touch their railing, I didn't. But when a bouncer tells me to get off a public sidewalk, he can go fuck himself.
Rachel	-	oh definately
PR	-	and when a cop does the same, I made him arrest me
Rachel	-	that is such bullshit
Rachel	-	lol
Rachel	-	oh you badass
PR	-	lol fuck off
Rachel	-	lol
PR	-	I'm way too irritated right now to deal with sarcasm
Rachel	-	you may not find it great now but im sure its a story you will love telling
PR	-	oh, you have no idea
Rachel	-	and im serious that shit is hot
Rachel	-	you got arrested
Rachel	-	hott
PR	-	lol
PR	-	seirously though, apparently I was grinning the entire time
Rachel	-	you would
PR	-	I did.
PR	-	so what did you do tonight?
Rachel	-	I talked to Hani about how I got ditched for the black BBQ and then I tried to help him come up with a name for his team for guild wars
PR	-	lol
Rachel	-	they ended up with the same lame name they started with
Rachel	-	and you know i had one of those days where i take forever getting ready only to get fucking ditched
Rachel	-	im so pissed
PR	-	I think the funniest part was when I was in the squad car
PR	-	and I was crushing the cigarettes in my back pocket
PR	-	now, you obviously don't reach into a pocket to grab an unknown object while in police custody
Rachel	-	lol
PR	-	so I ask, "Officer, I'm just going to reach into my pocket to move my cigarettes to somewhere that they won't get crushed"
PR	-	so he says okay
PR	-	then he asks "What's a guy like you doing smoking anyway?"
PR	-	and I say....
PR	-	I know you've read my blog, so you probably know the answer
PR	-	"shiny packaging and peer pressure"
PR	-	sarcasm: not always the ebst approach
PR	-	*best
Rachel	-	lol
Rachel	-	not with cops
Rachel	-	its best to let them dominate
Rachel	-	lol
PR	-	whatever, I got their names.
Rachel	-	good
PR	-	I'm not going to go home because a cop threatens to arrest me. not if I haven't broken a law
Rachel	-	fuck that is so messed up
Rachel	-	but still..hott
Rachel	-	lol
PR	-	lol thanks
Rachel	-	how were their cuffs?
PR	-	left some bruises, but otherwise not bad
Rachel	-	damn
Rachel	-	I want some of those
PR	-	they feel the same as the ones I have, but they ratcheted them tighter than I do
...

I still can't believe it. I was never aggressive or belligerent. I never lost my temper or even raised my voice. When they asked me to leave their property, I left. When they asked me not to even touch the railing, I complied. But when a bouncer tries to order me off of a public bench on a public sidewalk, he has every right to go fuck himself; when an officer of the law does the same, I wanted that order on paper.

This isn't some third-world junta. This is Ottawa! I realize how melodramatic this kind of thing is going to sound, but our society is based on the rule of law. A police officer is granted - rightly - certain authorities over other citizens for the good and welfare of society; but a badge is not carte-blanche to give orders arbitrarily under the guise of legal authority. I got arrested for sitting on a public bench, breaking no laws, and I fully intend to make a scene over this.

I'm not a petty criminal. I'm not a menace to society. I don't have a criminal record; christ, I've never been arrested before. And even if these things were not the case, I would still be in the right.