Who knew having housemates could be this irritating?

Apologizing in advance if this post sounds incoherent. I haven't had a chance to sleep in about 48 hours, and at this point, every second between now and the evening feels like an eternity.


...On May 1st, three undergraduate students in Ottawa moved gleefully out of uni residence and into their first leased house.

Having spent 19 years counting the minutes till I could move out of my parents' homes, and the following two semesters resenting the confining rules of dorms, the move felt like pure freedom.

No ban on beer bottles. No roommate to kick out of the double when a girl comes back you your place. And university security didn't seem to like it much when I tried to get a barbeque going in the quad.

No matter.

The place is ours. Ours. After spending the better part of a week moving in and getting our respective shit in order, I drive off to Toronto for the weekend. Against my better judgement, a weekend gets railroaded into a week and a half.

Fast forward to last night. I get back to Ottawa just shy of 3am, and it's lord of the fucking flies. No clean dished left; nargila sitting in the back room for anyone to see; and the garbage clearly hasn't been emptied since we moved in.






I think I'm going to have to engrave a few commandments half an inch into the drywall.

1. If you cook yourself a meal, do the fucking dishes.

2. If someone takes over the cooking duties for the night, do the fucking dishes.

3. If you drink an entire case of my beer, don't replace it with an American import. That's just uncalled for.

4. If you have sex on furniture or surfaces in common areas of the house, have the courtesy not to tell me about it. I never told Ross about the time I hooked up on his bed while he was at a midterm. Keep it to yourself, it's a matter of respect.

5. When a girl refuses to come over because of how horrible the house is, it's time to kick into crisis mode.

6. When all else fails, the most important rule of all: don't fuck with me. The fuse box is in my room. I'm not afraid to use it.


...Long story short, I can see this going one of two possible ways...

Either we pull together, and strike a balance between personal space and shared responsibility, or we dig in our heels, and the house devolves into a petulant orgy of bitter pranks, retributions, and recriminations.